Taking Time to Celebrate

Taking Time to Celebrate 

The time is finally here – a week from today I will be going back to college! After four years of fighting debilitating illnesses that robbed me of a normal life, I will finally be returning to school to complete a bachelor’s degree in Communications at Southern New Hampshire University-Online. While most people have at least their first degree by the time they are my age (25 years old), the ability to even go back to school is a huge deal for me. In realizing that, I chose to take a moment to celebrate with two of the most important people in my life and my biggest supporters – my grandparents.  So, we got some sparkling water, (which ended up tasting horrible, but that is another story!), and my grandpa made a toast. Our celebration was small and only a few minutes long, but the important thing was that we took a moment to recognize how far I have come and to celebrate this next big step in my life. Doing this made me think about the importance of celebrating our victories in life – big and small – as a part of self-care.

Every day is full of twists and turns. We have good moments and bad moments; and we are constantly on a road moving forward. By moving forward, I mean we are always moving towards something. For example, we are moving towards certain goals in our workplaces,  making progress raising our kids, making improvements in our relationships, making personal life changes, making home improvements, starting businesses, and more. Throughout our everyday lives we endure the ebb and flow of small and big challenges and accomplishments that make up the road of progress in which we are travelling. In order to remain happily and successfully moving forward on this road, I would argue that we need to take a break from moving forward once in a while and celebrate our personal victories - big ones and small ones alike.

Taking time to celebrate personal victories gives us the chance to  recognize how hard we have worked, the good choices we have made, the challenges we have overcome, and the accomplishments we have achieved. Recognizing these various achievements is a key part of self-care because doing so cultivates positive self-identifying emotions. According to https://www.emotionallyresilientliving.com,  “Acknowledging your achievements, even in a small way, increases positive emotions such as self-respect, happiness, and confidence.” Positive self-identifying emotions such as confidence and self-respect are crucial to long-term personal development and overall self-esteem, and therefore it is important to continue to do things to cultivate such emotions – like taking time to celebrate our victories!

So, the next time you get a good grade on that test, you finish that task at work, or your kid finally grasps that topic at school: go ahead, take time to celebrate! Because those victories are important, just like the bigger victories (such as graduating or getting a job promotion). There are many things that facing death through sickness has taught me, and one of them is that every victory counts. Even the smallest victory can lead to the biggest change in the future. Celebrate your victories and celebrate yourself for accomplishing those victories. Don’t be afraid to celebrate YOU; cause let’s face it – you are totally worth celebrating!

~Cheers!
  Carly Morton

Talking to Children: A Poem

 Talking to Children: A Poem

You are ditzy, you are dumb, you are blonde;

Irresponsible – where’s your brain? It must be gone.

You are selfish,  you are impossible, you are lazy;

You are ridiculous, you are heartless, you drive me crazy.

You are unloveable, you ruin everything, you are a brat;

You don’t deserve anything we give you, and that is that.

How can you look in the mirror, do you like who you’ve become?

You’re not normal, you should be ashamed, you need to shape up.

You are ugly on the inside, you are the cause of my gray hairs;

If you do not change, you won’t make it in this world- anywhere.

The things you say to your children and teens stick longer than you know;
Words like these can them scar them deeply, and cause pain to fester and grow.

So choose your words wisely, even when you discipline;

Choosing words out of love can make all the difference.

~By Carly Morton

Letting Go of Posers

We all have them in our lives. People who pretend to care about us, but who don't genuinely care about our best interests or love us with a true heart. We all have posers in our lives, usually more than one. These people act like they care, but have ulterior motives. Generally, they either want to keep up appearances, there is something they want from you, or they are just looking for drama. It could definitely be something other than those three things, but those tend to be the three main things that cause people to pretend to care.

A lot of the times, we can spy a poser and let it roll off our backs, right? However, sometimes it's not so easy. Once in awhile the person pretending to care is someone you wish would genuinely care about you, like a family member or friend. In these circumstances, it is not so easy to allow the fakeness of their facade to pass by. It can be draining to go along with their fraudulence in the public eye, (if your situation calls for it), and even worse if you have to cut the person off because they are toxic. These are the kind of situations that can grip your heart and cause the kind of tension and depression that could easily flip your world upside down. It's never easy watching someone you genuinely care about only pretend to genuinely care about you, only say they love you; but act in opposition, and only claim to have your best interests at heart when they really only care about their own.

Dealing with posers is something I have been learning to do over time; and let me tell you - it has not been easy. I am not the kind of person who easily lets go, especially of people I care about. For me, it took me way too long. I waited until the toxicity of a poser became so poisonous that it was plastered in bright red writing all over the walls of my life that it was time to let go. Letting go wasn't easy. I worked on it in therapy and I still sometimes struggle with it in my daily life. But let me tell you something: The moment I made the conscious choice to say goodbye to the poser in my life, a weight was lifted. I felt freedom. I may have to remind myself that I said goodbye sometimes, and there may be times that the poser still gets to me; but in the end I know that they are a poser, and I know that I am better off without them.

I've still got a lot to learn pertaining to this part of my journey. I have to learn not to let my poser get to me so easily when they have the chance to make contact (I did cut contact with them, but they are persistent). I have to remember the toxicity of their actions so I don't get drawn in. Above all, I have to manage my anxiety around the subject in order to maintain stability and focus on the big things in my life - like my school-work and learning to drive.

I hope readers, this is a lesson to you. Don't wait too long to cut toxic, dishonest, posers out of your life. People who care about you will care about you for who you are, as you are. They will support you, and have your best interests at heart. Anyone who does not support you in this manner is unlikely to be genuine. Let go of the posers, and grab onto an even freer YOU.

But I leave you with a word of caution- try not to be OVERLY prudent of posers; there is no need for you to cut perfectly good friends and family who love and support you out of your life. :)
  

Welcome!

Greetings, and welcome to my blog! I would like to start off by introducing you to what this blog is all about. Take a look at the photo above.  Do you see how the first line is totally crooked, and the second is perfectly straight? Let's pretend that those lines represent your life. The first line represents what your life sometimes looks like, and the second line represents what everyone expects your life to look like, at all times. In other words, friends, family, and/or society expects you to always live "perfectly straight" lives - looking as perfect as you can look, doing the best that you can do; always having every toe in line according to their standards. Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing your best. However, not everyone's standards are your own, nobody is perfect, and everyone gets a little messy sometimes. And guess what? That is ok. I am here to tell you that it is ok to be different, it is ok to make mistakes, and it okay to live and to learn. Life gets messy; it's called LIVING. If we try to maintain the perfectly straight line that everyone expects us to maintain all the time, we may miss out on important moments in our lives. A mud fight is the back-yard with your four year-old may be a bit messy and impromptu when you have company coming over, but think of the heartfelt moments and memories that will be missed if you rob your child of their game. Pressures to choose a political side are heavy in our society and our families; will you sacrifice your personal views to remain straight in the eyes of those that are important to you? Or will you show true brevity and stand up for what you believe in, despite how others may perceive you? The whole world can tell you to dress in yellow, but if you feel yellow is wrong for you, will you dress in blue? My point is that the beaten path was not necessarily made to be straight, and it certainly wasn't made to be perfect. What road have you driven on doesn't have bumps, or need paved at some point or another? No road is perfect; and no life journey is either. The way you live shouldn't be measured by any societal or familial expectation. It's YOUR life, and it's okay to live it YOUR way. And if we are all honest with ourselves, sometimes we all get a little messy, and sometimes our paths get a little crooked. That is life - learning to live good among the mistakes, the challenges, and the differences; among the crookedness. That is what my blog is going to be about; how I manage to live a good life among the crookedness. Expect regular blog entries, poems, and articles  - and get ready for the journey!

~Carly Morton